Don't Touch Me

PTSD triggers and bodily autonomy

Recently at a wedding, a man, an acquaintance, came up and caressed my back while I watched the ceremony.

All the guests were circling the couple. About 50-70 people stood around the center of a beautiful hall with windows on three sides opening out to a view of trees and the nearby river. The sun streamed in from the skylights above. A beautiful and peaceful setting. A heartfelt and serene ceremony. For me, I focused on the couple, on the lovely words about how they met, how he has cared for her since their first date, how they found love in midlife.

I stood beside an acquaintance on the edge of the circle as I’d arrived just as the ceremony was beginning.

Soon enough, I felt fingers on my mid-back.

Up and down, stroking me.

It was a gentle caress. It felt nice. But it also startled me as it came out of nowhere.

Two or three fingers, gently caressing me, up and down. And down and up.

Startled, I looked around and the man was walking away. I knew who he was. But his touch came before I knew …