Everyday Grief

On losses big and small

When we think of grief we often thing of the big stuff - losing someone we love to death, the dissolution of a marriage, or getting a serious medical diagnosis. But we rarely talk about everyday grief.

An example is grief that can be experienced by divorced parents weekly when they drop their child off at the other parent’s house for changeover day. This could be experienced as deep grief for a stay-at-home mother who is used to seeing her child every day but now must share custody with the other parent. The grief may start as major at the beginning of the separation but over time can become smaller. Even within this grief that happens on a regular basis, there may be relief in handing over a child so work can get done – but there can be that twinge of pain at seeing a child leave.

This grief of the loss of a child’s presence for part of a week in addition to the grief of divorce itself can sometimes prepare people better than those in ‘intact families’ for what happens later: when chil…