Is This How the World Wants Survivors to Be?

And if you're a woman, don't only be silent, be sexy too

My story: the unspoken cost of a secret

For a long time now, it has felt as if I should keep my traumatic experience a secret and move on with my life. After all, it’s over, right? I have felt this pressure, externally, that no one wants me to talk about it. Internally, since the rape happened, I’ve felt a pressure to process what happened to me, how I came to be in that situation, what choices I made, the choices the other person made. I’ve written extensively for myself to clarify what this event means, in my journals and essays, and even a memoir. I have cried, I have despaired, I have searched for answers. I have walked and sometimes crawled through many dark days and nights, thinking I could not go on. I have cleared so much out of my system privately that only recently have I felt ready to talk about it publicly.

It has taken me a long time to break my silence.

Social stigma

The time it’s taken is in part due to the social stigma that exists around this topic. No one wants to touch …